2008 Desiree Alliance Conference in Chicago-Registration is Open!

Desiree Alliance Presents~
In partnership with BAYSWAN, Sex Workers Outreach Project-USA, SWANK, H.I.P.S. Different Avenues, COYOTE, Best
Practices Policy Project, $pread Magazine, St. James Infirmary, Harm Reduction Coalition, PONY, SWOP-Chicago,
SWOP-Las Vegas, SWOP-Los Angeles, SWOP- Northern California, SWOP-Arizona, SWOP-Portland, & SWOP-EAST

"Pulling Back the Sheets: Sex, Work and Social Justice"
July 16-20, 2008 Chicago, IL

REGISTER NOW!
The Desiree Alliance is a diverse, volunteer-based, sex worker-led network of organizations,
communities and individuals across the US working in harm reduction, direct services, political
advocacy and health services for sex workers. We provide leadership development and create
space for sex workers and supporters to come together to advocate for human, labor and civil
rights for all workers in the sex industry.
This convergence will create space for dialogue between hundreds of sex workers and their allies
to share their personal experience and skills, identify workers' most pressing needs, share
training and networking skills for developing solutions, and to collaborate on strategies for social
and political change on local, state, national and international levels.

Some of the scheduled workshops include:
"Safety for Sex Workers Through personal Privacy
Legal and relatively simple ways for working and living out of harms way"
"Tantra: How it can uplift the plight and struggle of sex workers and clientele"
"Self marketing and self branding: How to run a profitable (and more safe) sex worker
business"
"Safety 411"
"Falling Through All the Cracks: Young adult transgender sex workers"
"Challenging Discrimination Among Sex Workers: Reconstructing 'sex work'"
"Bad Date Line: How to start, run + maintain a damn good project"
"Sex Workers Against Rape"
"Sex Workers Rights and Direct Services in Urban Los Angeles"
"Adult Entertainer's Guide to Disabled Customers"
"We, Asian Sex Workers"

The Desiree Alliance is a diverse, volunteer-based, sex worker-led network of
organizations, communities and individuals across the US working in harm reduction,
direct services, political advocacy and health services for sex workers. We provide
leadership development and create space for sex workers and supporters to come together
to advocate for human, labor and civil rights for all workers in the sex industry.

Desiree Alliance-Conference Registration

Desiree Alliance is a Project of Social and Environmental Entrepreneurs (SEE), a 501(c)(3) non-profit.



Conference registration fees are $150 if you register by June 1st, and $200 if you register
between June 2nd and July 10th. All participants must register no later than July 10th. Fees
include registration materials, admission to the opening reception, breakfast and lunch Thur-Sat,
admission to the after party on Sat and brunch on Sunday. To register for the conference visit our
site and submit the registrant screening form. After you submit this form, a registration packet and
payment information will be sent to you.
For more information on registration scholarships, contact: Liz Copl at hdfemme@gmail.com
If you have registration questions please contact: tara@birl.org


We are also looking for volunteer house photographers and videographers for the conference! You must be a registered attendee to participate.

APPLY HERE!

MILF-tastic

So for the past year or so I've been working off and on with a middle-aged couple whose dream it is to create a "MILF" website featuring the female of the couple having sex with various men. When we originally began shooting in 2006, the idea was to have the both of them in different sexual situations with various people, pending that everyone on the site was in the 35-55 range.

One house fire and several setbacks later, we are back filming for the as-yet-to-be launched website, this time without the male participating in the action, as he finally realized he could get fired from his job if he ever appeared on such a website. He came up with what he thought was a "brilliant" idea of having the theme be "whoring my wife out to pay the rent" and bought the webdomain mywifesawhore.com or something like that. In each scene, the wife is supposed to be an escort seeing clients as a last ditch desperate attempt to pay the rent. he insisted there was only one other website on the 'net that was just like it. Hmmmm...

Initially, I was really turned off by this idea. Thought both husband and wife are really enthusiastic about shooting content for the site, I get the feeling that all of this is masterminded by the guy and the woman is just kind of playing along in order to keep him happy. I also wasn't comfortable with the sexism of the theme, as my goal is to do more feminist-based porn that doesn't play on male fantasies. I'd also heard the male throw around the term "hooker" here and there in a deragatory fashion to describe escorts (they have no idea I'm one) even though it's quite clear that he has plenty of experience using the services of them. I even took the couple to some sex-work socials that were held here awhile back and they claimed the title "sex worker" for themselves, even though they somewhat dissed the same people who could fall under that category. It was more than a little irritating at times.

Don't get me wrong, though. These are really nice people, like family even, and they opened up to me right away and have the utmost respect for my professionalism. But like all family members, they can get on my nerves sometime.

So to embark on his new master plan, the male in the couple began placing ads on craigslist and Adult Friend Finder to look for men willing to fuck his wife for "$300 or free if you let us film it." Oh brother. Not the way to go about this at all. He said he received hundreds of responses, but after exchanging emails for weeks with potential candidates, he'd only been able to round up a handful of guys to meet with us for a pre-shoot interview at a local bar. We met with three guys total, one guy blew us off and one guy was just too inappropriate for what we were doing. So that left us with two decent guys willing to be filmed fucking on camera.

You wouldn't need a crystal ball to predict that a week later, when it came down to scheduling these guys for the actual shoot, they both went MIA. Actually one exchanged emails a bit, and just concluded that he wouldn't be able to get away from his wife to be filmed fucking some other guy's wife while her husband watched. Desperate to get a day of filming in the can, Mr. MILF scoured Craigslist again, finding a professional performer and hiring him the day before the shoot. Sometime you have to shell out a little cash in order to make things work. I believe this is something I had told him before but for some reason he chose not to listen.

The "professional" they ended up hiring was actually a professional actor, not a porn performer and had actually never been hired out to do porn before, despite many attempts. His name was "Frank" and he was an attractive African American guy in his 40's, but looked ten years younger (hey, black don't crack). if Frank was nervous at all off the bat, he didn't seem it, as he sat down right away and began making Mrs. MILF feel comfortable. Frank had some ideas of his own about how the scene should go and he seemed like a take-charge kind of guy, which was appropriate for the situation.

We were aiming for as much "reality" of the situation as possible, so Frank and Mrs. MILF began talking like they were actually in an escort/client situation and suprisingly, it was very believable. He completely led the scene and she played the slightly nervous, but submissive wife who was experiencing her first time as an escort. Frank's background in acting really helped here, as he was able to get into character and take charge. They began with some foreplay, slow undressing and he going down on her, three things that are often missing from porn. The two performers actually had a lot of chemistry with each other and the result was totally hot.

We moved over to do the sex scene on the bed, but like most novice male porn performers, Frank ran into some problems staying hard. He was rock hard for the first half of the scene, but once we started taking breaks and moving lights around, he lost his concentration...and his erection. Frank was a great sport, though, and apologized profusely, but he continued on with the scene and improvised some positions he could do without a hard cock. The result was absolutely smokin' hot.

Frank started doing some rough play, spanking, a little biting, hair pulling, and forceful thrusting. A couple of times the result was a little comical (more the result of Mrs. Milf's phony moaning)but the dripping sweat coming off both performers was very real and Frank totally made up for his flaccid cock in other ways. I'd honestly have to say it was one of the hotter scenes I've ever shot. And I was totally not expecting it to be at all.

Funny how porn is like that.

Another Casualty In the War On Sex

The sad news yesterday of D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey's suicide once again sent waves throughout the sex worker community. Geez...can we go at least a month without a sex worker scandal? Pleeeze!

It was a tragedy when Palfrey was found guilty last month of racketeering, mail fraud, and money laundering but her high-profile clients (Randall Tobias, et al) got off Scot-free, despite the fact that they were the real criminals here. Is it fun for people to watch these women go down? Because really, women don't commit as heinous crimes as men or as often as men, so it's the prostitutes and madams such as Palfrey that get used as examples in the media for what "bad" women look like. Still, you'd have to search far and wide to find someone who actually believed that Palfrey was dangerous and should be locked away from the public.

Palfrey insisted that she didn't want to spend even one more day in federal prison again (she'd been before) and she made good on that promise yesterday, despite the fact that she may have only gotten a sentence of five years or so and been out in even less than that. I understand, though. If I was in Palfrey's case, I may have even done the same thing. What would she do once she was released from prison? Perhaps she felt there was nothing left to turn to.

It's hard to say, though and I wouldn't want to speak for someone else. I think a lot of us in sex work activism felt that maybe Palfrey was stronger than we though and would have the moxie to move on despite whatever sentence was handed down to her. we hoped she'd get a book or movie-of-the-week deal, netting her the big bucks. She'd always insisted that the clients should be held just as accountable as she was, which I agree with. Supply=demand. If she's going to go down then take the clients down to. This happens all the time in prostitution cases. It's easier to bust the women than the men.

Palfrey's trail didn't get much attention. In fact, it was called downright boring by some reports. However, several clients and providers testified and one reported any negative effects as the result of their work or the services provided to them. Hmmm...either we were too busy with the Spitzer scandal or for some reason the media didn't find that to be newsworthy enough to report. I can't imagine Diane Sawyer and the rest of the uninformed news media anting to hear that these "fantasy sex providers" actually enjoyed what they did.

What Palfrey, Spitzer, and who-knows-next are all victims of really is the US War on Sex. We live in a huge country of prudes, where sex is used to sell just about everything you can imagine, but -gasp!- selling sex is demonized to the level of rape, murder, and much more heinous crimes. Talk about sending mixed messages. Yes, I know we are a puritanical society, but just think of all the heinous crimes that happen each day, from the war in Iraq, to the FCLDS nutjobs forcing their teenage girls to marry older men (without pay!), to the random shootings that happen every day nearly everywhere. Do I sound like a broken record here? Maybe I am. Now think of the Spitzers, the Deborah Jeane Palfreys, the Heidi Fleiss' and wonder why these people ever made the front page news.

It's because we are obsessed with sex.

No, I Don't Want to Date You

A week or so ago I received this email in my box-

"Hi,

I am sure I have a little different question for you. I was wondering if you are single? :) I am 36, single, white, attractive, very successful, and absolutely love the idea of my girlfriend with other men! I have dated an escort once before, and absolutely loved sharing in her secret. If you have any interest, email me back, I would love to talk and get to know you!

Me"


Well, "Me", I'm sorry to say you, and others like you, just don't get it. I am not working as an an escort because I'm desperately looking for a man to date or someone to rescue me Pretty Woman-style from my life working in the sex industry. It's kind of sad to think that there's guys out there that really hold their hopes high thinking that the escort they've been shelling out all their cash for is suddenly going to change her mind and start seeing the guy for free, but alas, it happens all the time.

A few days after I received that gem, my friend Charlotte got an email from a client she had seen praising her and asking if he could get to know her "on a personal level." We had a good giggle at the letter but I told her to watch out because he was looking for freebies and just phrasing his request in a more complicated, yet laudatory way. She understood, but unfortunately a lot of clients (and some workers) don't. There's a certain line between personal and professional in this industry that shouldn't be crossed and those that do are making it harder for the rest of us.

Sure, i've heard stories from other sex workers who went on to date clients. I always admonish them when I hear about it, but it's their choice. it's not a choice I would ever myself make and I've been in this industry for awhile now. The number one reason I've had to "fire" clients is because they got too close and thought they actually had a chance of dating me. I'm very warm and conversational in my sessions, so I can understand the attraction of seeing me as a possible girlfriend, but I usually never "go out" with my clients so they don't get the idea that I would all of a sudden substitute that dinner they're buying me for the actual payment they owe me. A particular client I enjoyed spending time with would always ask to take me to bars, musicals, etc. but I would turn it down. He would say things like "I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend" when he actually didn't know (he just assumed that because I was working as an escort, I didn't) and would ask me "do I owe you anything?" at some of our later sessions, causing me to stop taking his calls. I haven't answered a call of his in quite sometime, but he still calls on random evenings, never leaving a message. Believe me, I feel bad because this guy is really nice, but I think he needs to get a better understanding of his relationship with the escorts he hires.

I do have a lot of clients that I enjoy spending time with, but I've never gotten emotionally attached to one. Unlike most women, I can walk out the door and never think of these guys again and have little desire to find some rich Richard Gere-type that sweeps me off my feet and takes me somewhere to live happily ever after. I do this work because it affords me independence and the freedom to do what i want in my life and I accept nobody in my life who challenges that. If a client finds me interesting, great, but if that same client feels sorry for me and wants to "rescue' me from my life of crime, then he can go fuck himself. Maybe there are escorts out there looking for their knight-in-shining-armor, but I'm not one of them. And neither are most of the escorts I know.

I call it the "Pretty Woman" Myth. The idea that we're out there looking for dates or men to rescue is just that...a myth. This isn't Match.com. You're paying us not to get involved so don't get upset when we adhere to that.

Not Such a Bad Tax Day After All

Pardon for my lack of posts in the recent week, but I've been a busy, busy bee these days. Today I interviewed Tristan Taormino for an upcoming episode of RedLightDistrict and she was just so beyond amazing to talk to. I made sure to really do some thorough research and even Tristen was impressed and some of my questions. Stay tuned for the video interview on that...

Afterwards we headed over to my favorite sex toy shop in Chicago, Early to Bed, for Tristan's Anal Sex 201 workshop where myself and Kimberlee Cline were chosen by Tristan to be the demo models for a variety of anal sex positions! Yes, we kept our clothes on...c'mon people! Though I hadn't been to Anal Sex 101 before, it was easy to catch on and we learned all sorts of anal tips and tricks which I will write about here for you soon.

Seeing that I paid my taxes in advance, it was one of those really awesome days where I was feeling accomplished only to be spolied by the news that the DC Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey, was found guilty today of four felony charges stemming from her Washington based escort service. Though this news was not exactly suprising, it was aggravating nonetheless. One can only hope she doesn't receive a long jail term for this nonsense, but it's looking more and more like she's being made an example for all the world to look down upon shamefully.

In other news, SWOP Chicago has a new member and I'm totally psyched about getting to know her. He name is GoddessGlory and if you haven't seen one of her many ass-kickin' videos on You Tube, you are missing out! So I leave you today with one of my favorites...if you don't love this then, well, you gotta problem...

Listen to Me On Blog Talk Radio

Today I was a guest on SWOP East's Blog Talk Radio program with host Jill Brennaman. Check it out ...

XBN: Blog Talk Talk Radio

Baseball Season is Here

...and I am officially distracted! Even though my White Sox have gotten off to a lackluster start, I'm still itchin' to get back to the the Cell and enjoy some games. There's nothing I love more than a good game on a nice summer night with a Polish and beer in hand. So I took it upon myself to create my fantasy baseball team, 'cuz yeah, I am totally that much of a baseball geek.

2008 Fantasy Team (subject to change at any time)

Outfielders- Grady Sizemore (CLE), Ichiro Suzuki (SEA), Matt Holliday (COL)
Catcher- AJ Pierzynski (CHI)
First Base- Prince Fielder (MIL)
Second Base- Chase Utley (PHI)
Shortstop- David Wright (NYM)
Third Base- Joe Crede (CHI)
DH-Frank Thomas (TOR)
Pitchers-
Johan Santana (NYM)
Kenny Rogers (DET)
Jon Garland (LAA)
Ben Sheets (MIL)
Jake Peavy (SD)
Bobby Jenks (CHI)


The Brewers are looking like a tight team this year...let's hope they can stay that way and win the National League Central title they were robbed of last year! I'm totally looking forward to taking a trip up to Miller Park for a game again this year. There's nothing as entertaining as those racing sausages. I mean, you just can't beat it.

As for my Sox, we'll just have to see. Anything can be better that LAST year!