Embarrassing Moments on the Job

Over the years I've had some truly mortifying experiences and though I usually keep these incidents to myself, I now share with you, my friends, some of my most embarrassing on-the-job moments-

1)The time my thigh-high stockings started falling down to my ankles as I was walking through a fancy hotel lobby. Victoria's Secret may charge $19.50 a pair, but they ain't worth shit. To this day, I never wear thigh-highs or any type of stockings anywhere.

2) The time I let some guy with a dick piercing fuck me. Of course, he fucked hard, like a 16-year old, and tore up my insides. Later that week, while fucking some other client, I bled heavily all over his sheets and had to nervously explain to him that, no, I didn't have my period, but was bleeding due to some hipster with a dumb-ass dick ring who unknowingly caused internal damage. It took me almost a month to heal from the wound and I had to wear tampons to buffer the bleeding at times. I don't care how fucking "punk" or "alt" you are, I cannot understand why anybody would let a guy with a dick piercing fuck them. Nor can I understand why anybody would have their dick pierced in the first place.

3) The time some asshole from my college hired me and then rudely rushed me out of his apartment after I wouldn't accept his $20 for a blowjob. I ran into him a few times in the hallways at school and once again more recently. You can read about what happened here.

4)On one of the first escort calls I ever did, I stupidly forgot to collect the money up front. He was a young guy, with a cute dog I remember playing with. After we were done, he put on his coat and said he'd walk with me to an ATM where he'd get my money. At the crosswalk, he darted the other way as I kept walking across the street and ran back up his alley to the backdoor of his apartment. Realizing there was not much I could do by myself and not wanting to get in a confrontation, I called the agency I worked for and they later sent a couple of thugs to collect the money from him. Of course, I always collected in advance after that.

Lastly, this gem that happened to me just a few nights ago...

A client with a smoking fetish that I'd seen several years back and actually know and am friendly with in day-to-day life called and wanted to do a half hour session. He enjoys having cigarettes put out on his feet and using his hands as an ashtray while he masturbates. It's a fairly easy session and requires no nudity or touching on the woman's part, but it does involve smoking several cigarettes right after another. I'm a smoker, but surely not a chain smoker so by the third cigarette I was feeling a little light headed. Not sure if I should go to the bathroom or lay down, I asked him if I could lay down for a moment so I could come to. As soon as I laid my body down, I vomited nearly all the tomato bisque and peach salsa I'd eater just an hour before on his sofa, floor, and my purse. The good news was that throwing up did the trick...I felt better. The bad news was that this was truly one of the most mortifying experiences I've had on the job. The client is the NICEST guy you could ever meet and I was catching up with him on old times for what seemed like an hour. A few days later, I sent him a text message offering him a freebie session next time, but one can only imagine that the sight of me vomiting all over his floor is probably a major turnoff.

C'est La Vie.