No, I Don't Want to Date You
A week or so ago I received this email in my box-
"Hi,
I am sure I have a little different question for you. I was wondering if you are single? :) I am 36, single, white, attractive, very successful, and absolutely love the idea of my girlfriend with other men! I have dated an escort once before, and absolutely loved sharing in her secret. If you have any interest, email me back, I would love to talk and get to know you!
Me"
Well, "Me", I'm sorry to say you, and others like you, just don't get it. I am not working as an an escort because I'm desperately looking for a man to date or someone to rescue me Pretty Woman-style from my life working in the sex industry. It's kind of sad to think that there's guys out there that really hold their hopes high thinking that the escort they've been shelling out all their cash for is suddenly going to change her mind and start seeing the guy for free, but alas, it happens all the time.
A few days after I received that gem, my friend Charlotte got an email from a client she had seen praising her and asking if he could get to know her "on a personal level." We had a good giggle at the letter but I told her to watch out because he was looking for freebies and just phrasing his request in a more complicated, yet laudatory way. She understood, but unfortunately a lot of clients (and some workers) don't. There's a certain line between personal and professional in this industry that shouldn't be crossed and those that do are making it harder for the rest of us.
Sure, i've heard stories from other sex workers who went on to date clients. I always admonish them when I hear about it, but it's their choice. it's not a choice I would ever myself make and I've been in this industry for awhile now. The number one reason I've had to "fire" clients is because they got too close and thought they actually had a chance of dating me. I'm very warm and conversational in my sessions, so I can understand the attraction of seeing me as a possible girlfriend, but I usually never "go out" with my clients so they don't get the idea that I would all of a sudden substitute that dinner they're buying me for the actual payment they owe me. A particular client I enjoyed spending time with would always ask to take me to bars, musicals, etc. but I would turn it down. He would say things like "I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend" when he actually didn't know (he just assumed that because I was working as an escort, I didn't) and would ask me "do I owe you anything?" at some of our later sessions, causing me to stop taking his calls. I haven't answered a call of his in quite sometime, but he still calls on random evenings, never leaving a message. Believe me, I feel bad because this guy is really nice, but I think he needs to get a better understanding of his relationship with the escorts he hires.
I do have a lot of clients that I enjoy spending time with, but I've never gotten emotionally attached to one. Unlike most women, I can walk out the door and never think of these guys again and have little desire to find some rich Richard Gere-type that sweeps me off my feet and takes me somewhere to live happily ever after. I do this work because it affords me independence and the freedom to do what i want in my life and I accept nobody in my life who challenges that. If a client finds me interesting, great, but if that same client feels sorry for me and wants to "rescue' me from my life of crime, then he can go fuck himself. Maybe there are escorts out there looking for their knight-in-shining-armor, but I'm not one of them. And neither are most of the escorts I know.
I call it the "Pretty Woman" Myth. The idea that we're out there looking for dates or men to rescue is just that...a myth. This isn't Match.com. You're paying us not to get involved so don't get upset when we adhere to that.
"Hi,
I am sure I have a little different question for you. I was wondering if you are single? :) I am 36, single, white, attractive, very successful, and absolutely love the idea of my girlfriend with other men! I have dated an escort once before, and absolutely loved sharing in her secret. If you have any interest, email me back, I would love to talk and get to know you!
Me"
Well, "Me", I'm sorry to say you, and others like you, just don't get it. I am not working as an an escort because I'm desperately looking for a man to date or someone to rescue me Pretty Woman-style from my life working in the sex industry. It's kind of sad to think that there's guys out there that really hold their hopes high thinking that the escort they've been shelling out all their cash for is suddenly going to change her mind and start seeing the guy for free, but alas, it happens all the time.
A few days after I received that gem, my friend Charlotte got an email from a client she had seen praising her and asking if he could get to know her "on a personal level." We had a good giggle at the letter but I told her to watch out because he was looking for freebies and just phrasing his request in a more complicated, yet laudatory way. She understood, but unfortunately a lot of clients (and some workers) don't. There's a certain line between personal and professional in this industry that shouldn't be crossed and those that do are making it harder for the rest of us.
Sure, i've heard stories from other sex workers who went on to date clients. I always admonish them when I hear about it, but it's their choice. it's not a choice I would ever myself make and I've been in this industry for awhile now. The number one reason I've had to "fire" clients is because they got too close and thought they actually had a chance of dating me. I'm very warm and conversational in my sessions, so I can understand the attraction of seeing me as a possible girlfriend, but I usually never "go out" with my clients so they don't get the idea that I would all of a sudden substitute that dinner they're buying me for the actual payment they owe me. A particular client I enjoyed spending time with would always ask to take me to bars, musicals, etc. but I would turn it down. He would say things like "I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend" when he actually didn't know (he just assumed that because I was working as an escort, I didn't) and would ask me "do I owe you anything?" at some of our later sessions, causing me to stop taking his calls. I haven't answered a call of his in quite sometime, but he still calls on random evenings, never leaving a message. Believe me, I feel bad because this guy is really nice, but I think he needs to get a better understanding of his relationship with the escorts he hires.
I do have a lot of clients that I enjoy spending time with, but I've never gotten emotionally attached to one. Unlike most women, I can walk out the door and never think of these guys again and have little desire to find some rich Richard Gere-type that sweeps me off my feet and takes me somewhere to live happily ever after. I do this work because it affords me independence and the freedom to do what i want in my life and I accept nobody in my life who challenges that. If a client finds me interesting, great, but if that same client feels sorry for me and wants to "rescue' me from my life of crime, then he can go fuck himself. Maybe there are escorts out there looking for their knight-in-shining-armor, but I'm not one of them. And neither are most of the escorts I know.
I call it the "Pretty Woman" Myth. The idea that we're out there looking for dates or men to rescue is just that...a myth. This isn't Match.com. You're paying us not to get involved so don't get upset when we adhere to that.
posted by Serpentlibertine @ 8:49 PM
1 Comments
