Serpent Libertine, Sly Sex Pro

"The Girlfriend Experience"-Not My Experience

2009-06-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

When I had first head about Steven Soderbergh filming "The Girlfriend Experience" last year, I immediately cringed at the thought of yet another film that misrepresents the lifestyle of a sex worker, especially coming from the perspective of the mainstream Hollywood machine, whom I abhor greatly. When I found it would star porn starlet du jour Sasha Grey, I was a little relieved, but not totally convinced it would be accurate. Like many of her fans, I'm enamored with Grey's beauty and intelligence, as well as her different take on the porn industry. Still, Sasha Grey is not an escort and she wasn't writing the script. Most likely "The Girlfriend Experience" was a film that stemmed from all the hoopla over the Elliot Spitzer scandal and the fascination with the high priced escort that Spitzer had been seeing before he went down. Suddenly, everybody wanted to know what the life of an escort was like...ooohhhh boy! And really, nobody will ever get it right because our experiences vary so greatly.

I had heard some mixed reviews about the film before attending, but was curious to check it out regardless. Soderbergh specifically cast non-actors for all the roles in the film and most of the dialogue was improvised. I knew Grey had limited acting ability from watching her porn films in which she deadpans each line with little emotion, and this film is no different. Even her voiceovers in the film are delivered in her trademark monotone, but that's the least of it. Grey here plays Chelsea, an upscale escort in New York who lives with he personal trainer boyfriend Chris, played by real life personal trainer, Chris Santos. She shares little emotion or even conversational skills as she sees her upscale businessman clients and discusses the downturn of the economy with them by just nodding and agreeing with everything they say. Supposedly Chelsea makes "$2000 an hour" but this is never really established in the film, just assumed. I would even wonder why she charges that much, as other than a pretty face and some expensive lingerie, she's not offering much to these guys. The best escorts I know charge $300, $400, or $500 an hour and provide a lot more conversational assistance and are probably better fucks than Chelsea.

It's had to tell if it's a decision on the part of the filmmakers to show the escort as cold, shut-down, and reserved or if that's just Grey's thing. When a reporter asks about hev personality with clients she states that she plays "who they want me to be" and not a reflection of herself. While some escorts may agree with this, I personally don't. The best escorts offer up their real selves to clients, making some modifications, but learning to communicate with them as they would with anybody else in the real wold, making a connection and building off that. Most escorts market themselves in a way that reflection who they are or at least find comfortable, so if Chelsea is marketing herself as a vapid NYC socialite, then I'm sure that's who her clients want her to be.

There are a few doses of reality thrown in here, such as when a tactless client sees Chelsea in public and says hello, or the injection of a Dave Elms-type character who convinces her to do a free session with him in exchange for a good review on his "Erotic Conniseur" escort review website. (Elms is known for doing doing the same thing with escorts on The Erotic review; he's now in jail after being charged with attempted murder.) Her experience with the guy goes unspeakably bad and he gives Chelsea a horrible review that actually speaks truths about her personality. There were several laughs in the theatre when the review was read out loud, almost in agreement with the criticism of Chelsea's dull personality compounded with her high price tag.

The high point in the film is actually the performance by boyfriend Santos, who actually does posses some acting ability, despite his somewhat dislikable character. He's a personal trainer who also uses his body (somewhat) as a commodity and is constantly looking for new ways to increase his skills and clientele, similar to his girlfriend. Ultimately, that's what this film is all about, and we see the dichotomy of how each one deals with their clients, both of them ultimately bullshitting their way into bleeding the most money possible out of them. Chris puts forward more of an effort, while Chelsea just expects that these men want to pay her a fortune to have her be some arm candy for the night and nod in agreement with their grievances.

Like most (or all?) films with a sex worker character, Chelsea must go though a punishment of some kind. What's amazingly stupid about this plot turn is that the film goes though all this build up of portraying Chelsea as this well put together, seemingly intelligent (this is the film, not my observations) escort in a committed relationship and she goes on to make one of the stupidest mistakes one can make as an escort. A client, who she's only seen once, offers to dump his family and life commitments to take her away on a weekend trip and possibly more, causing her to actually consider entering into a relationship with a john, albeit one she barely knows and who is married with children. He boyfriend Chris is shocked at this news and their relationship suffers a big blow, but not before he gives her a cautionary lecture about what a dumb move she's making. She gets burned, of course, and stands alone in the middle of nowhere, crying, because she actually injected emotion into he line of work, and well, an escort should know better.

There were a few slight moments of familiarity but ultimately, I couldn't relate. The characters were underdeveloped, the dialogue was poorly delivered (with a few exceptions) and very little of it reflects my experience as an escort (then again, I don't wear Michael Kors dresses or buy LaPerla lingerie). Not to mention that, it's just not a very good film. Most moviegoers will be bored or sorely disappointed.

I attended the screening with a few escort friends of mine, as well as a large group of BDSM aficionados and other "sex-positive" people. Immediately afterwards, the three of us were put on the spot with questions about our lifestyle and how it compared to Chelsea's. Bebe and Paige, my escort friends, agreed with a lot of the film's content and how it was handled, I did not. Still, it sparked a lot of good discussion that continued once we got to a local bar and and tons of questions from curious individuals who wanted to know about the "real" escort lifestyle. And perhaps this is the best way to inform people (in addition to blogging) about what they're curious to know rather than having some Hollywood writers concoct a bunch of half-truths and then "punish" us for our career choice.

Maybe that's the lesson I leaned from "The Girlfriend Experience"...speak up! Otherwise people are going to speak for you, and you're not going to like what they have to say.

Finding a Middle Ground

2009-05-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, myself and a few of the other SWOP-Chicago ladies met with representatives from CAASE, better known as the Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation. If you've aware of this group, then you'd know that they're the ones responsible for such studies as "Deconstructing the Demand For Prostitution", "Curbing the Demand For Prostitution", and "Interviews With Five Ex-Pimps in Chicago." Their website includes quotes from anti-prostitution advocates such as Donna Hughes and Melissa Farley and they've hosted panels with our good buddies Robert Jensen and Sheriff Tom Dart here in town before. They use terms like "prostituted women" and refer to clients as "buying a woman's body", which in of itself is and offensive term, not matter how it's used. (They've buying a service, not a body) So yeah, you could say we're kinda on opposite sides of the issue here. I made sure we were all uber-prepared and organized for this meeting, but I also imagined that there was the potential for this to end up in a mini-screaming match, with me as the instigator. Heh.

Still we were there to find some common goals, being that we're the two main organizations in Chicago working for human rights for those in the sex industries (trades) and working to end violence against sex workers. The meeting was brought together by the woman we'd been renting our meeting space from who works for a rape crisis hotline and she acted as our facilitator, seeing that she knew people from both organizations. She introduced the discussion by bringing up the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers in December and asking the CAASE members if they had heard about this day (they had not, or at least had not done anything for it) and suggested our two organizations try to come together this year and collaborate on something to commemorate it. And so we decided that this was one issue both our organizations could agree upon...to end violence. I brought up the point that because of the criminal conditions surrounding those in our profession,and the negative stigma, sex workers are blamed when they're the victims of violent crimes and often are reluctant to report crime against them for fear of being arrested. But we all know this, right?

Here's the deal, though, CAASE works with the system, specifically the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless, and the Prostitution Alternatives round Table (Part), which was founded by one of its members, Samir. They also work hand in hand with, you guessed it, Sheriff Tom Dart of Craigslist suing fame. And guess what everybody??? Apparently Tom Dart doesn't want to arrest prostitutes. Thinks it's a waste of time, money, and resources. He's actually stated this before, but apparently didn't hold a press conference when he made that statement because I totally missed it. Whether Sheriff Dart puts this plan into action is another issue, but therein lies the other common goal both our organizations were able to find- we are both against the criminalization of prostitution and the arresting of prostitutes.

CAASE and similar organizations promote the "Swedish Model" of prostitution, which they call "IN DEMAND". This model makes decriminalizes prostitution for the workers, but makes it illegal to pay for sex, therefore putting the clients at risk of arrest. While other countries such as Norway and Iceland have also adopted this model, it has received harsh criticism from sex worker in Sweden, who believe it puts them at risk. Clients there are reluctant to give out information about themselves because they are now the ones at risk and workers (specifically street-based workers) are finding their own safety is jeopardized. (Check out this page on Scarlot Harlot's site to view some of the critiques of the Swedish Model.) I explained to them what some of the drawbacks of the "IN DEMAND" proposal were and they listened to my concerns, promising to check out the sites I mentioned. Samir announced that they would be doing small focus groups before taking any actions on this measure and that it was probably still a few years away before anything would happen regarding this.

By and large, the discussion went fairly well and was handled respectfully. I was probably the harshest critic in the room, calling them out of some of the language that they used in their studies ("prostituted women," "bought women"), reminding them that men and transgendered people could be sex workers as well, and that no, not all of our clients are evil perpetrators out to exploit us. Rachel reminded me that the reason for their studies was to show people that all kind of men from different backgrounds use sexual services, but in their work they've trying to show people that it's a negative thing, whereas in ours, it's more to show people that it's really a normal thing.

We concluded that these discussions were important and effective to seeing our two organizations meet our goals. We've made plans to meet on a quarterly basis and have more discussions similar to these, hopefully bringing more people to the table (we kept this particular discussion small in order to be productive). I'd love to host a public forum at some point where our two groups can bring together our supporters and try to find better ways to understand each other. I admit I was ready for a smackdown when I came to the table on Monday, but now I'm really satisfied about finding a middle ground and learning to work together despite our differences.

The War On Sex Work Rages On...

2009-05-16T23:04:00.000-07:00

Whew! What a week it was for sex work related news. It seems the War on Sex is still alive and well, with everyone tying to find new ways to combat "child trafficking" by punishing consenting sex-hungry adults. When will it end? I know, the answer is "never."

Wednesday stated off with a bang, first with the announcement that Craigslist was caving into pressure by our very own Dudley Do-right, Tom Dart, and Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan and closing down its "erotic services" section. Boy, nothing seems to get people up in arms more than that damn "erotic services" section on Craigslist. I wish these "crimefighters" would get as angry about all these random murders that keep happening as they do about a goddamn section on a classifieds website. Hello people! Do you not realize there are tons of other websites for erotic providers to advertise on on the web? Are these people really going to take down each website, one by one?

Instead Craigslist has replaced its "erotic services" section with an "adult" section where advertisers are screened by employees and must pay $10 an ad. Upon first glance, it seems that this "adult" section is not much different from the "erotic services", except that the ads contain a lot less information and aren't as graphic in detail. The advertisers look pretty much the same and the services they're advertising are pretty much the same as well. Good job, you Illinois crime fighters. You're really making a difference in the world.

Unfortunately, what will happen now is that many of the street-based workers who may have turned to Craigslist for advertising will be pushed back onto the streets to work, resulting in much more dangerous working conditions. In this harsh economy, many workers have lost their main source of advertising and will be out of jobs themselves, like so many other people at this time. Check out this press release written by some of my friends and allies in New York on why this decision puts sex workers at risk.

In some cruel twist of fate, that same day it was announced that the Rhode Island House voted to criminalize prostitution again. Yes, for those not in the know, prostitution was decriminalized in Rhode Island as long as it took place indoors. It's not a done deal yet, as it still needs to be voted on in the Senate, but with a 62 to 8 vote in the House, things aren't looking good. Things are going backwards here, people. We're supposed to be working towards decriminalization, right? Rhode Island was kinda that secret that some people knew about but very few people talked about. Now, it's looking like it might be a thing of the past, and once again we're hearing cries of "child trafficking" as being one of the reasons why. Oh, give it up already.

Incidentally, SWOP-Chicago had scheduled to screen the documentary "Happy Endings" on June 12 before this announcement was made.

If you're in Chicago, come out to our screening at the Leather Archives and Museum on June 12. Here's the details-

THE SEX WORKERS OUTREACH PROJECT PRESENTS
an intriguing exploration of the Asian massage parlor industry in Providence, RI

"HAPPY ENDINGS?"
in support of SWOP-Chicago
presented by Clarisse Thorn
and hosted by the Leather Archives & Museum

Friday, June 12, 7PM
Leather Archives & Museum
6418 N. Greenview
$5-10 suggested donation to SWOP-Chicago

Rhode Island: the only state where prostitution was legal. It had been over 25 years since five prostitutes sued the state of Rhode Island for selective prosecution and prostitution laws were removed from the books, when documentarians Tara Hurley and Nick Marcoux turned their cameras on the underbelly of "The Renaissance City".

Watch the drama unfold in Asian massage parlors across Providence as Mayor David Ciccilline pushes to close the prostitution "loophole". Follow Heather, a Korean immigrant, over two years as she manages the massage parlor. Learn about the women who work in the spas. Hear from the police who arrest them. Watch the fight for and against the legislation. The film includes subtitled interviews with Korean women who work in the spas, clients who frequent the spas, police, politicians from 1980 and today, local news footage, local radio call-in shows, and "voiced" reviews from internet escort review boards. Read more, watch the trailer, and see clips from the film at .

Just recently -- May 2009 -- prostitution has been criminalized again in Rhode Island. Come out, watch the documentary, and talk about it afterwards. What do you think about sex work? Is the change in Rhode Island law fair or unfair? Delicious snacks will be served, and discussion will follow! This is a benefit for the Sex Workers Outreach Project, and we're requesting a $5-10 donation from attendees.

To learn more about the Chicago chapter of the Sex Workers Outreach Project: http://www.swop-chicago.org ]

Thanks to our host the Leather Archives and Museum, preserving the history of alternative sexuality: [ http://www.leatherarchives.org/ ]

Screening facilitated by Clarisse Thorn, sex-positive activist and curator of the Sex+++ Film Series: [ http://clarissethorn.wordpress.com/ ]

That's all for now. And that's enough.

I Am A Sex Worker

2009-04-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

Check out this video produced by the awesome Audacia ray at the first Speak up! media training awareness workshop for sex workers held last month in NYC. I'm hoping to bring this workshop to Chicago next so we'll see if we can make that happen later this year. Until then, check out this rad video...

Click To Play

Sex Work Doesn't Kill People, People Kill People

2009-04-16T23:57:00.000-07:00

By now you've probably heard about the masseuse who was murdered earlier this week in a Boston Marriott after advertising her services on Craigslist. Boy that Craigslist just can't go a day without some type of controversy! The facts that seem to be coming out of the case are that the woman was an apparent robbery victim and her perpetrator had robbed another woman the week before at a Westin Hotel, also in Boston. The killer is still on the loose, stylishly dressed, and likes to text message while walking through hotel lobbies. But why can't they figure out who he is? It would seem to me they could find her phone records, or appointment book...or something. But hey, I'm not a detective and that's all I'm going to say about that right now.

What really seems to be at issue is that some of these publications are pondering whether or not she was an actual "masseuse" or was giving a little handski at the end of her session, making her a prostitute. Who the hell cares? Does it make her more deserving of of her fate if she was offering to jerk guys off at the end during her sessions? No. She was murdered in a robbery attempt and the killer's motivations, based on the previous attack, seemed to be solely money. And yes, the guy seemed to be preying on Craigslist massage providers, but ultimately, this could have been anybody.

The day this story broke, it was posted just about everywhere I looked and right off the bat I saw people criticizing her behavior, questioning her screening techniques, blaming her for using Craigslist, blaming her for possibly being a prostitute. Basically, blaming the victim. So tell me blamers, are you blaming the two people that got shot at a hospital today for working in a hospital? I mean, hospitals are dangerous. Are you blaming the 14 people at the immigration center from the shooting last week for their behavior? They were immigrants, after all. What about all the wives and children that seem to get shot and killed by upset husbands and fathers nearly every day? It was their choice to get married! What about the 8 year old from California who got murdered? What kind of risky behavior was she engaging in before she died? The truth is, anybody can be a victim of a violent attack these days, whether we're praying in church or buying crack in a back alley somewhere.

Truth be told, I've engaged in the same type of behavior this girl was engaging in many, many, many, many times before. Probably more that she ever had. My massages did end "happily". I was probably carrying more money than I should have around. Young, white middle class client that seems perfectly safe. Upscale hotel in large city. Been there, done that. I've never been robbed on the job. Never been a victim of a violent attack. Never encountered a client with a gun. Perhaps I'm lucky, or maybe I screen my clients well, but maybe that doesn't really matter in this case. There's no way of knowing a client is going to do something like this, even if she had all his life and work information and references from 10 providers. People are unpredictable. It's one of the risks we all take in life. However, the fact that this girl was giving erotic massages (or not) and that she used Craigslist are irrelevant here.

Now, I'm sure a lot the the anti-prostitution organizations will use this case as another way to argue "prostitution is dangerous whether it happens on the street or a nice hotel" and I'm sure Tom Dart will just use this to further hammer home his nutty platform, but it's really not the issue at hand here. The criminalization of this industry is what makes things so unsafe for those of us working in it. Even the Boston Globe points out "... many escorts may not report crimes against them." Because oftentimes police will say "we can arrest you (the escort) and the victim, or do nothing." It happens all the time. So potentially in a case like this you have a violent robber or serial killer (see "The Green River Killer") on the loose, but nothing is getting reported on it because the victims are sex workers. If our industry wasn't criminalized or stigmatized, we probably wouldn't have these problems. And no, removing the erotic services section from Craiglslist isn't going to make things better either.

So while the hunt for this killer from Boston is still on, perhaps we need to start looking at the big picture here. Whether this woman was giving legitimate or erotic massages doesn't really matter in the end. We all need to protect ourselves in this industry, keep records of clients away from where you are working, check ID's, have a "safe-call" system, and learn some self-defense techniques, as I've been doing. If we don't protect ourselves, the police surely aren't going to do it for us. Remember, it's not the "industry" that caused this crimes, it's some asshole who has issues with women in general that would've probably grown up to be one of those guys who shoots his wife and kids and then turns the gun on himself. Blame him, not the victim.

Introducing..."Chicago Pleasure Salon", First Tuesdays Starting April 7

2009-04-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

My friend Clarisse, who runs the kick-ass Sex-Positive Documentary Film Series, had been kicking around the idea of doing a sex industry/sex-positive meet and greet night each month for sometime now. Chicago's got a large community or kinksters and pervs, but we're all a little closed-off from one another, so hopefully these events will bridge that gap a little. I'm so excited this is finally happening! Spread the word...

Introducing ....

PLEASURE SALON
presented by
SEX+++ and SWOP-Chicago

Announcing the very first night of Chicago's new sex-positive meetup! On Tuesday, April 7th between 6 and 10 P.M., come out to Villains -- buy a sandwich or a drink -- and hang out with Chicago's sex-positive community. Pleasure Salon, every first Tuesday, will be the place to talk about sex, culture and sexual fun! This event is modeled on New York's Pleasure Salon, "A Gathering of Sex-Positive Activists". We want to build networks among all kinds of sex-positive people and create an open exchange of ideas about sex. All are welcome.

Pleasure Salon is hosted by Clarisse Thorn, Serpent Libertine and The Ultimates, and co-organized with the awesome Pleasure Salon Committee: Cunning Minx, Aspasia Bonasera, S.I.R., Arvan Reese, Ben, and Robyn. We all want you to attend Pleasure Salon -- whether you identify as

+ a sexuality activist,
+ a sex worker,
+ a pornographer,
+ LGBTQ,
+ BDSM,
+ a swinger,
+ a polyamory practitioner,
+ a tantric practitioner,
+ a sex educator,
+ a free speech advocate,
+ a progressive pastor,
+ an AIDS worker,
+ a radical feminist,
+ a student,
+ not at all studious,
+ skeptical about our politics and aims,
+ or just someone who likes talking about sex!

Help us create a more sex-positive world!

PLEASURE SALON
1st Tuesdays, 6-10pm
beginning April 7th, 2009

Villains Bar & Grill
649 S. Clark Street
http://www.villainschicago.com/
NO COVER
Under 21 welcome, but they obviously cannot drink.

Setting Goals

2009-03-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy week for me here and today I just finished the 10 Day Master Cleanse, which I'm sure many of you have heard about via the various publicity it gets. I'd heard all about it, too and had many friends that had tried it over the years but I never, ever thought that I'd be able to go 10 days living on lemon juice and maple syrup. Guess what? I survived. Me, a total foodaholic who could never imagine even going one day without solid food. I can tell you this...it starts out pretty rough, but after day two or so you stop craving food and start to feel pretty good, more energized, and totally focused on finishing the cleanse. It's rough...not being able to go out drink, and party with friends, but after years of toxifying my body with junk, I'm getting a new start. I dropped five pounds and feel ready to stop poisoning my body with junk foods that make me look and feel like crap. But no, I'm not going to stop drinking or smoking. I will, however, try to never eat crappy fast food ever again. I am not stopping at the McDonald's drive-thru for anyone. Taco Bell, maybe, but not McDonald's.

Last week I also obtained my yellow belt in Hapkido, a martial art I started practicing a few months ago. For martial arts aficionados, yes I know this is pretty low, but hey, it's a start. I honestly didn't think I could do it because I hadn't had that much time to prepare and was pretty nervous, but they passed me despite my making a few errors. I tested in the "slow learner" category. I've wanted to learn martial arts for awhile now and it's a pretty big confidence builder, but I will say I'm pretty timid at my level right now. I'm shy with the vocalizations and my kicks and punches are pretty shitty, but I imagine I'll have to get it together if I want to keep testing for new belts. I do lack discipline in my life and this is a way to get it back. Maybe.

As a sex worker, I think it's important that we set goals for ourselves. These two things may seem minor, but they were both decisions I had be mulling around for awhile and had lacked the motivation to follow through with until I finally convinced myself that I needed to do them for the betterment of my life. It's very easy to get caught up in the whole "work lifestyle" of seeing clients in this line of work that you tend to ignore the fact that you may not be doing anything else with your life that makes you happy, or that will better prepare you for the future. Setting goals, whether they be long or short term, helps us gain more structure in our lives, which can oftentimes be so random and full of procrastination and uncertainty. Let's face it...many sex workers have a lot of free time on their hands and spending it in front of the TV or feeling sorry about yourself just doesn't get you anywhere.

I used to be a heavy pot smoker. Every day, several times a day I'd smoke up, gorge myself on food, and waste away in front of my TV waiting for my phone to ring. I worked primarily for escort agencies at this time, working the graveyard shift late at night. It was a really lonely time in my life and save for a few of my pot-smoking buddies, I had very little contact with people in the outside world. Sometimes I'd be too paranoid or baked to take the calls that came in, and I gained a lot of weight from getting the munchies all the time. During this time period, some pretty awful things happened to me, including getting evicted, getting arrested, and getting kicked out of numerous apartments because of my failure to pay rent. It wasn't until i realized that I needed to get my life in order and stop waiting for things to happen and start making them happen.

I went back to college to finish my degree and stopped smoking pot, almost immediately upon registering for college. Much like the Master Cleanse, I don't think I could do it. I had been a serious smoker for over five years and didn't think I could phase it out of my life. I did. I also graduated from college a few years back and started working in a profession that I try to incorporate into my sex worker/activist life, but not really one that promises steady work. It was my choice to pursue something I loved rather than something that was "safe" and that, essentially, is how I live my life. I'm not interested in doing things that make me unhappy anymore. I'm interested in finding ways that I can improve my life, improve other people's lives, and setting new goals for myself. Get rid of the things that make you unhappy, even if it is sex work itself, and find a new way to re-invent yourself. It's the very least we can do to stay sane in this industry.

I have some other exciting goals and plans in store for this year, the first of which is the new monthly "Pleasure Salon" that I'm co-hosting with my new friend Clarisse Thorn, curator of the Sex-Positive Film Festival that's been running at Hull House. This will be a monthly meet and greet, starting Tuesday April 7, for the various sex-positive communities in Chicago to come together in a casual setting and will be hosted at Villains Bar, near downtown. I'm working on a video for the awesome Leather Archives and Museum, on Chicago's north side and hopefully finishing up some more videos for RLDC (help!). My other new friend Paige has asked me to write a column for her new website, Chicago-Independent-provider-network.com, which should be up in a month or so and I'm re-inventing my work personality to do something fun with clients that I've been wanting to do for quite sometime.

And then, of course, there's that cute boy who's been sexting me...

Chicagos Give Us their Real Opinions on the "Tom Dart Craigslist Situation"

2009-03-11T01:57:00.000-07:00

A Prostitution scandal? In Chicago? You know I just had to grab my camera and the RedLightChicago crew and get the lowdown on this! Red Wednesday and I hit the streets and asked this random sampling of Chicagoans what they really think about Tom Dart's lawsuit against Craigslist-

Why, Tom Dart, Why?

2009-03-05T21:46:00.000-08:00

Why must I be woken up today, on the the eve of our huge party, and be told that you, Tom Dart, Sheriff of Cook County, is suing Craigslist for being the largest source of prostitutuion?

Why Tom Dart, has your office spent over $100,000 in the past year arresting prostitutes off of just Craigslist when the state of Illinois is in a billion dollar deficit? Isn't there a better way to spend taxpayer money than having your officers sit at a computer looking at ads on the "erotic services" section when there are much more pressing crimes that are happening on the streets of Cook County?

Why Tom Dart, aren't you more concerned with the 22,005 unsolved burglaries, 12,424 unsolved aggravated assaults, 71 unsolved murders, 12,535 unsolved robberies, 104,226 unresolved property crimes, and 13,475 unresolved motor vehicle thefts that happened in 2007 in Chicago alone? (no 2008 stats yet)

Why, Tom Dart, do you say “I want to do something that matters in helping these women," but then continue to arrest "these women" (never men, of course) as if that's any way to help someone. Arresting "these women" makes their lives much more complicated and mostly likely sends them back into sex work to pay their legal bills.

Why, Tom Dart, do you think that you're ever going to be able to recoup that $100,000 from a website that generates very little revenue in the first place? Similar lawsuits as yours have proven to be unsuccessful, as likely will this one. Instead this is a high-profile (every news channel and paper, c'mon!) way for you to flaunt yourself on TV and push forward your political agenda, which seems to be what you're all about?

Why, Tom Dart, do you think that you will ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be able to stop prostitution, in Cook County or elsewhere? There are other places to advertise, other ways for clients and providers to contact each other, other ways of getting around you that you will never be able to do anything about? You will never be able to put an end to the sex industry, nor will anyone else. So, please, spend our money elsewhere. Like fighting violent crime. The crime that none of us like.

Today is International Sex Worker Rights Day!

2009-03-03T11:47:00.001-08:00

Yes, it is our official holiday here in sex worker-land and I can't think of a better way to celebrate that to come to our party this Friday! Yes, here's your official chance to stalk me, if you want...and please bring some cash, as this is a benefit.

The Activist As Educator

2009-03-01T23:04:00.000-08:00

On Saturday I was invited to be a panelist at a student activist conference at University of Chicago that featured three other panelists from various social justice organizations and an audience of mostly students, some or mostly all involved in some sort of activist organization. Bill Ayers, famous for his 1960's anti-war group, The Weather Underground, was the keynote speaker. I was really excited and nervous about this opportunity at first, but really pleased with the fact that I could introduce our agenda to a group of radical young students, many of whom could be potential allies to SWOP.

Despite all the flak he go t during the Obama campaign, Ayers was was friendly and passionate about his message for activist, which is "teaching is part of what you should be doing." I was a little upset when I saw Ayers, with an incredulous look on his face , mouth the words "sex work?" when the other activist panel topics were being introduced, but after listening to him speak, I realized that Ayers would completely understand our movement and what we're fighting for...and against.

He mentioned that as activists we need to see ourselves as organizers and be willing to do things like going door to door to speak with people who disagree with you. While I'm not sure I'm ready to do that, I understand what he's getting at and obviously defending sex worker's rights mean having to deal with a lot of people who disagree with us and what we are doing. Such as this one.

Several things he said struck a chord with me, but perhaps the best advice was "if you're going to be an organizer, you're going to be a teacher." As a teacher himself, he's a great advocate of teaching and education and kept stressing the importance of us all being teachers, whether or not we call ourselves one or not. I suppose I forgot, as many people forget, that my role as an activist, or even just as a sex worker, is really to educate people. Even for those sex workers who aren't involved in some sort of organization, but are just blogging on the web, we are constantly educating people about our lives, out thoughts, our opinions, and who we really are. This is so important for us, especially in our industry where so many of us are misunderstood, misrepresented, stereotyped, and just plain never given the chance to speak. Learn to listen, he said, and learn to speak with those you listen to. How many activists actually do this? Speak to people, instead of at people. It's easy to get carried away when you're passionate about a certain issue, but learning to hear what others have to say is an invaluable skill.

"Do one thing beyond what you are doing."

I think it's so easy to get stuck in that rut of saying, "I'm not really doing anything that's making a difference" and I feel that way almost every day. Am I really doing something that's helping people or am I just doing this to make myself feel better? Can I be extending my efforts more, beyond what i am doing now, and how will it help others? I've always felt like a lazy activist because I'm not as eloquent a writer as others are, that I'm not an expert on grant writing or academic studies, or that I don't travel to all the conferences and meet activists from all over the world. Does it make me less capable or organizing on a local scale? Sometimes I feel it does. I can't quote statistics and I always feel I need to do more, but I also feel like I'm doing too much. However, I get angry when others do nothing or very little.

"How do you choose where you spend your energy?"

Good question...how do we choose? I feel like there's so much that needs to be worked on, so much that we need to do in Chicago, but I also feel a lack of resources and mostly, people. How can I try to help such a large group of people, who may or may not want my help, when I am only one person? I focus my energy on the things I know I can do, and perhaps the things I think are most needed, but are they effective? In some ways, yes, others, no.

Ayers talked about how different activist movements are connected to each other, specifically how the feminist movement and disability rights movements were connected to the anti-war movement. Later he talked about "Milk" and the gay rights movement, calling Harvey Milk an "angry pilgrim" who kept getting back up again and again after getting defeated. I wish I could have spoken to him about how our movement ties into the GLBT and feminist movements, and how we face the same issues of shame, coming out/being closeted, being discriminated against, and being blamed for the violence that is perpetrated against us. Ayers left, though, right after his speech was over and I was left inspired, but hoping for more of a discussion on some of what he had said.

During the panel I was, believe it or not, seated between a priest and a lawyer (there's a bad joke in there somewhere), as well as with a woman who ran an art center for children in low income communities. Each had interesting things to say about what kind of work they did regarding social justice, but I actually found the priest, who fought on behalf of immigrant's rights, had some of the most interesting things to say. Both of us work on behalf of people who potentially face arrest, harassment by the police, and discrimination issues and one of the best points he made was when he said "social justice occurs when victims take on leadership." How true this is. Later on during the breakout discussions with the students I spoke to a high school student about how people are usually inspired to become activists because of some tragedy or traumatic experience in their life. She agreed with me and made several references to friends she had that had been abused that were now working with social justice organizations.

So where does all this leave me? Realizing that my goal as an activist is really to teach, to inform people about what they don't know, but also to inspire others to get active. That second part is the hardest thing to do. Maybe that's my biggest fault as an activist...I assume everyone else should be or wants to be one as well. Why aren't they here, getting angry? Possibly they haven't suffered that tragedy yet and I hope they never will, but is that really what it takes?

"Get up again, and keep getting up. That's where you go as an acitivst."

Operation Cross Country=Operation Wasting Money

2009-02-23T13:40:00.000-08:00

In today's "wasting taxpayer money" news, it seems the FBI's "Operation Cross Country" was out in full force this weekend, arresting sex workers all over the country in hopes of "freeing child prostitutes" from sex trafficking operations. While we can all agree that sex trafficking is a horrible thing and children should not be involved in prostitution, in reality this operation only discovered "dozens" of child prostitutes while arresting over 500 adult prostitutes in 29 cities, including 44 people in the Chicago area, none of which were minors.

Perhaps the most hideous arrests in this "operation" occurred in Boston at the Marriott, where "17 FBI agents and plainclothes officers were struggling to arrest two kicking and screaming young women." When guests complained about the activity in the hallway, they were told "it's none of your business" by the officers. "The guest said she was shocked that there was an undercover prostitution sting at the Marriott" and was moved to another room. Apparently the Marriott's management had been aware of the sting operation and participated, despite risking the security of their own paying guests. Once again, none of the people arrested in the Boston sting were minors, despite that being the goal of this operation.

So, I kindly ask all allies of sex workers...please do not stay at any Marriott ever again! Hotels who cooperate in this kind of nonsense do not deserve our business.

17 officers holding down two young women, one of which was hyperventilating on the floor? How sick is this? All in the name of "rescuing children", which is clearly not happening here, but instead it's taking down adults, many of whom advertise on craigslist. According to a 1987 study, quoted here by SWOP-LV, each prostitution arrest costs approximately $2000. That was 20 years ago, people. Think about how much that would cost today. Now just think...that's your money, your taxpayer money that is being wasted here.

It is usually women who are targeted in these arrests and they are treated violently, as we see in the Boston case, for what is a misdemeanor crime. 17 officers were used in the Boston case for what amounted to five arrests. 5 arrests! Why in the world do you need what amounts to a SWAT team to take down non-violent, un-armed young women who are just trying to make money to pay the rent?

Now's the time to get angry. this really is a modern-day witch hunt, as SWOP-LV points out, and it is a waste of time, resources, and yes, lot of money.

Fun With Craigslist

2009-02-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

For all the flak that the "erotic services" section on Craigslist gets, I'm gonna go out a limb here and say that by far, the sleaziest section on that site is without a doubt, the "casual encounters." Not that I use it at all...or even ever have, but last week a friend of mine and I were up late and searching for tickets to that night's Metallica concert, which I was dead set on attending. My friend got the crazy idea to post an ad "two hot 80s broads for two hot dates for METALLICA." The ad read like this...

do you want to relive your 80s dream come true?

we have crimped hair, tight jeans, blue eyeshadow, and wild styles to compliment our look.

do you want two 80s hair banging metal arranging sluts?

if so, we want you.

my friend is a bit uptight, her jeans cut off her circulation a bit, but that is what you are for.

make our hair metal dreams come true. TAKE US TO METALLICA. must send pics of the tix so we know it is for real.

we will be thankful.

At the end of the ad, she placed a photo of her and her little sister taken ten years back, when they were both in their teens.

Now look, despite the fact that I've met with a lot of strange men in my career, there was no way that I was going to go as a date as some random dude to a Metallica concert. But it was a funny social experiment. A sampling of the early responses we got were as follows-

"when is the concert?"

"how about just a 3-some ?"

"Hey sexy let's rock on were r u from"

"Me and my best friend are throwback metal diehards and still play albums

Concert t-shirts faded grey from use

Rockers without a cause

Sick of frigid and dead fish women of the now

Miss the concert sluts who drink and fuck on the way there.

Happy to blow ya just for the concert shirt and fun

Where'd they go?

Serious and goin here.

Small butts get first consideration"

Another one was headlined "Metallica is staying at MY HOTEL" and the response read

"Hey I saw your ad and had to respond, any chance you are still looking. We are staying at the Wyndham in downtown....I am an attractive and in shape white guy, 6' tall 170lbs br hair blue eyes, clean cut kind of guy, well groomed, VERY well hung, love to please, disease free, laid back and fun to be around. I have attached my pics, and would like to see your pics as well. Let me know either way.......Thanks Tom"

Included with Tom's response was three photos...one with him fully dressed, one headless naked, and one with just his cock, fully erect, which I've included here. (Hey, he must be proud of it if he's sending pics of it to complete strangers.)

Several more responses followed, some with hard cocks also included. None of the responders actually said if they possessed Metallica tickets, one did say "I'll get some."

Now as much of a joke that we thought this little stunt was, it seems to me that many of these responders were pretty darn serious, not so much about the Metallica part, but more about the after-concert party. So why, I wonder, do guys think it's a turn-on to send women pictures of their cocks? Gay men, I can understand, but I don't really know of any woman who is going to hook up with a guy because he sent her a photo of his erect, average-sized cock in hand. And I'll tell ya one more thing-in all my years as a sex worker I've never had a client send me a photo of his cock. Not only would that be a turn-off, but it would be an immediate NO in the appointment book.

So who really are the ones guilty of sleazing up the CL? It's these Casual Encounters people. People giving it away for free...now that's sleazy!

My friend and I did get to the Metallica concert that night after all, sans dates. I headbanged and she got elbowed by her male neighbor several times, his socially inept way of hitting on her. We scanned the crowd several times for who could have been our potential dates, and believe me, there were many possible candidates. But it was better that it was just us, two hips chicks rockin' out in a sea full of testosterone.

Why Does Someone Become A Sex Worker?

2009-01-24T22:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I met with my ex-therapist, an intelligent and introspective psychologist who always provided me with a different form of insightful therapy that I'd never experienced with anyone in the mental health field before. I haven't seen her on a regular basis in years, but she keeps in touch with me from time to time. I told her recently about the sex work activism I had been doing and she expressed an interest in creating a small support group for people in the industry in which workers can share coping techniques, ways to be healthy, safe, and inventive and deal with issues on the job. I thought it was a brilliant idea...if we can convince people to join in...as no such group exists for sex workers and finding a sex work-friendly therapist is not always an easy task.

In the course of our conversation, the topic of "why do people enter the sex industry" came up, as it usually does when people are analyzing why people choose a sex work job. I told her, as I have always insisted, that I honestly don't believe that anyone should be a sex worker unless they are truly comfortable and enjoy what they are doing. Money is not a good reason. We all need money. Everybody needs to work to make money. It's a given. To me, money is the obvious reason but it shouldn't be the sole reason.

Why would someone choose the sex industry when they are looking for work? To me, they have to be comfortable with their sexuality, be comfortable talking to strangers, be comfortable hearing sometimes rude requests from horny men. You have to be prepared for the psychological challenges you will face in this industry and if you are overly sensitive, this isn't the line of work for you. Yes, I'm gonna be a hard-ass about that because I have seen overly sensitive people enter into this line of work and I've had to counsel them when they had to deal with some asshole or got a bad review. You have to let it roll off your back. As I've said before, there's a reason these men are paying for sexual encounters.

While I understand completely that some women and men have no choice to enter the sex industry, whether it be because they are forced, coerced, or so desperate that it is their only alternative, I do believe that the vast majority of sex workers nowadays are in this industry by choice. Obviously, nobody should be forced to do sex work, but I also feel that nobody should feel that sex work is their only alternative. It never is. However, once someone gets used to the easy money and (sometimes) short hours of this industry, it's hard to go back to working 4o hours a week at some menial job for a paltry hourly wage compared to what they were making. I understand that. However I think it's unacceptable for someone to complain about the conditions they suffer working in the sex industry without trying to find an exit plan for themselves. One of the things I learned in therapy was that you life is what you make it. If you are miserable, it's up to you to make changes in your life. Nobody is going to do it for you.

I've been arrested before and suffered the one of the ultimate negative consequences that one can suffer in this line of work, but it didn't stop me. It didn't because I've had too many fun times, met so many interesting and engaging people in this line of work and still continue to do so. I'm also constantly impressed by the other women and men that I meet who also work in the same field as myself. What are their reasons for getting involved in the sex industry? While it may differ for many of us, those that succeed and continue to succeed love what they do. They find new ways to challenge themselves, new ways to improve their business, and new ways to help others interested in sex work.

I make take some flak for this, but I stand by my opinion...those that are in this industry for the wrong reasons bring down those of us who are in this industry for the right reasons. It affects the way clients think about us, the way the public thinks about us, the way we think about each other and ourselves.

So why are you in the sex industry? What brought you here....and why do you stay? Should anybody be doing sex work if they truly don't enjoy it?

Porn Review Friday-"Matt and Kym-Better Than Ever"

2009-01-16T00:16:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's that time again. I've been staying up late watchin' dirty movies again and am here to give you the lowdown. Don't like porn, you say? Well then you may actually like this one.

"Matt and Kym-Better Than Ever" is a release from director Tony Comstock. The main theme behind most of Comstock Films releases is the same...a real life couple sits down in front of the camera to talk about their relationship and then have sex on camera, just the same way they would in the bedroom. These films are are definitely more "erotica" than porn and are aimed at the couples market and people who are generally turned off by most porn.

Matt and Kym, the couple featured here, are a married couple who have been over fifteen years at the time of filming (I'm guessing). They're one of those couples that most of us love to hate- they look at each other with googly eyes and still can't keep their hands off each other despite all their years of wedded bliss. In the first section of the film, Matt and Kym tell the story of how they first met each other at their place of employment. While drawn to each other from the start, they remained friends first before developing a sexual relationship. In fact, Kym was a virgin at this time and Matt encouraged her to go after other men and sow her oats, so to speak, which she did to disappointing results. Matt was willing to wait for "a prize like this" as he describes his wife and soon it paid off.

The got married on a whim one day in 1990 and not long after much chaos and drama ensued in their lives. Friends and family member moved in and out of their home, leaving little alone time for them to be sexual. Matt, we find out, is someone that people rely on and it seems he gets taken advantage a bit because of that. Eventually, they managed to rid their home of all hanger-ons and the two can finally be alone. While all this back story is nice and sweet, it does feel a bit like you're watching a Lifetime movie or the Oxygen Channel. Matt is such a perfect guy...he gives and gives. Can he even be real?

During the interview, we are treated to small glimpses of Matt and Kym making love. it's very natural, with no fake sounding moans and groans, and Matt is truly into giving Kym pleasure. Kym notes that she "wants to feel sexy all the time" and even sunbathes nude in the backyard to turn Matt on. Afterwards they go rollerblading and then have sex in the afternoon, which Kym encourages other couples to do before they get too tired in the evening. She mentions that she also "likes to be petted" and there's "nothing she doesn't want to try" in the bedroom, which makes me wonder if she really means that. Matt insists that she has "the best tasting pussy" which IS NOT TRUE because I've been told I have the BEST TASTING PUSSY!

Anyway, Matt and Kym's lovemaking is very nice and pleasant, not raunchy or dirty or anything you would expect to see in hardcore porn. They make love how you would expect a real life married couple would, at least one that loved each other still. They look each other in the eye, kiss, and touch each other tenderly. It's lovely, really. And a tad boring. But who am I to judge? I've had sex like this before and while it's pleasurable for the people involved, it's not particularly exciting to watch all the time.

"Matt and Kym" is however, an excellent video for couples, especially porn-shy couple, to watch. It's never too graphic with penetration shots and eases the viewer into the sex rather than shoving it right into your face. We get to see the development of their relationship and the satisfaction of knowing that after fifteen years together, a married couple can still be having great sex. If you're used to straight-up hardcore porn, it may not be your thing, but if you prefer softcore or erotica with a story behind it, then by all means check it out, as well as some of the other titles from Comstock Films.

Get your own copy here.

Know Your Rights! For Sex Workers Part 2

2009-01-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

kittenINFINITE and I braved freezing cold temperatures last month to film the second part of the Know Your Rights! workshop in front of Cook County Jail. It ell ya, my hands were so cold I could barely hold the camera.

We weren't able to do funny skits this time around, but this video covers what you need to know for after you've been arrested, including creating an Emergency Response Plan, which is always a good idea.

If you're interested in a DVD of both Know Your Rights! videos for trainings, I can make one and send it to you for a small donation to SWOP-Chicago. Hit me up if you're interested.

2008-Year in Review

2008-12-31T17:13:00.000-08:00

Can't quite believe 2008 is over! While most people bitch about what a sucky year they had (and it seems that way for many this year), I have to say 2008 was a great year for me. I accomplished a lot this year, made some great new friends and yes, I'm going out to party tonight instead of staying in like a lame-ass! I'm tired of low-key NYE celebrations, this year I'm gonna party.

So let's see...I'm gonna list some of my favorite moments, accomplishments, and people from 2008.

Accomplishments of '08-

1) Creating my TV show and podcast site. RedLightDistrictChicago. I'd been talking about this idea for some time, but it wasn't until the dang Elliot Spitzer scandal broke that I was able to get some of my comrades to put my idea into action. Since then, it's taken off. The show airs on local cable access as well and we've gotten a lot of positive response from people who've seen it. It's a bit of work with no financial reward, but it's been a great project for me that I can only hope gets bigger and better.

2) Helping organize and presenting at the Desiree Alliance conference. It was a little chaotic at times, but such a reward in the end when I got to meet all sorts of sex workers from all over the country here in Chicago. It was my first conference, but I had a big hand in organizing and heading up the Media Team for it. I had no idea what I was doing at first, but I pulled it off and was rewarded with a really moving experience in the end. My only regret is not attracting more sex workers from the area to attend, but I understand things like this come with time.

3) Organizing locally with SWOP-Chicago. For years I had no local community of sex workers to support me or even talk to. Since I've been involved with organizing locally over the past few years, I not only have that community, but have become a leader, something I never saw myself as. It's been a frustrating, but rewarding experience, and I can only hope to build upon what we have now (which is somewhat small compared to the size of our city).

People who Inspired Me in 2008-

1) KittenInfinite- Such an amazing person, who I met several years ago, but have been organizing with locally over the past two. She not only has been my "partner-in-crime" for RedLightDistrict, but but really helped guide me into a leadership position as a sex worker rights activist. She inspires and educates me every time I see her. Not only do I miss having her around locally, but I know on a national scale, her work as an organizer is missed.

2) Robyn Few- I had heard stories about Robyn from various activists, but I wasn't quite prepared for what a firecracker of a woman she was when I met her this summer at Desiree. From Day 1, I was blown away by her passion for sex worker rights and her desire to challenge the establishment and fuck shit up. She is our Harvey Milk. One of my favorite moments was just a few weeks back in DC while driving in the car with Robyn she was saying, "I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want to do." And that, really, is all I've ever aspired for since I was a kid.

3) Scarlot Harlot- I'd read her book, interviewed her, and read all about her activism, but I'd never actual met her in person until this summer. The "mother" of the sex worker rights movement is humble about her achievements and is always pushing to expand this movement in new ways. It's Scarlot that pushes for diversity in a mostly white middle-class movement, it's Scarlot that does all the technical stuff to make sure the microphones are working or the event is being videotaped, and it's Scarlot that puts her face out there and goes on TV to do the interviews (Bill O' Reilly? That's no easy task.) She's always there, always active, and always on top of the game.

Favorite Moments of 2008-

1) March- Filming first episode of RedLight. We had no idea what we were in for when we decided to take to the streets last March and ask people on the street to answer our questions about the Elliot Spitzer scandal. Surprisingly, people were more than willing to share their opinions about the former NY governor and whether they thought he was right or wrong in what he did. All of a sudden, we realized we were on to something here...

2) July- Desiree Alliance Conference. After all the planning and organizing, it was such a treat to finally meet all the amazing sex worker activists I'd been working with and hearing about. Over the three days, there were some high and low points, but I think most of us who attended left with a better sense of community and a desire to do more on a local level.

3)November- Obama Rally. I hadn't originally planned to go, but after seeing the huge crowd on TV and with such perfect weather, I had to go to Grant Park and take place in the celebration. The election was called shortly before I got there, and by the time I exited the train, people were celebrating in the streets. Tons of people were crowded into downtown Chicago, and everybody was ecstatic. It was, for a lack of better words, a magical night. And then G-Rod had to come along and ruin everything...

4) December- National March For Sex Worker Rights. I remember Robyn talking in July about how she wanted to do a "Million Whore March" in Washington DC and laughing hysterically at the idea. While the name and number of people were modified a bit, we still made it happen! It was a positive way to commemorate a day when we remember our sex worker sisters and brothers who've been victims of violence and show people there's a larger community out there, willing to show our faces in public and let our voices be heard. I was also thrilled to reconnect with a lot of the people I met at Desiree in July and do some sightseeing and partying in DC. A great way to cap out a very productive year.

So yes, I have no complaints about 2008. I can only hope 2009 is even better.

National March For Sex Workers Rights Video

2008-12-29T13:56:00.001-08:00

Here's my video of the National March For Sex Workers Rights in Washington DC. This includes most of the speeches and various March footage. A little shaky at times, but hey, whadda you expect? I didn't have a stedicam.

National March For Sex Workers Rights in DC

2008-12-20T22:24:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week I headed to Washington DC for the first ever National March for Sex Workers Rights, held on December 17, the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. I remember this summer at the Desiree Conference when Robyn Few brought up the idea of this march, wanting to call it the "Million Whore March," which was so hilarious to me at the time. Making this actually happen was just the icing on the cake. We need events like this to really strengthen our movement and gain publicity, no matter how many people show up.

I showed up on DC on Tuesday, coming from freezing cold and snow in Chicago to pouring rain in DC and headed straight to Different Avenues, where we had our sign-making party. I was thrilled to see some of the people I'd met this summer at Desiree, as well as some new faces. We had some logistical issues with the signs including a few misspellings, tape/glue/paint/ transportation issues, but they turned out OK. Some of the messages included "Stop Shaming us to Death", "My Ass is Mine", "Sex Work is Real Work", and my own personal creation, "Stop Wasting Taxpayer Money Arresting Prostitutes". There were warnings that we would be facing some serious rain/sleet the next day, but we had plenty of red umbrellas to carry to shield the signs.

Turns out those warnings never came to light. The weather was cool and balmy, a nice fall day for me, but others were complaining of the cold. Babies! It was fantastic weather, in my opinion. We loaded up the car with signs and headed to Franklin Square, where we were mat with sex workers from all over the country who come in to DC to be a part of this. The press was there, too, including The Washington Post and Newsweek. Introductions were made and some leaders in our movement made speeches, including Stacey Swimme, Robyn Few, Scarlot Harlot, and Sharmus Outlaw. Robyn then led the procession down the streets to the Department of Justice. It was pretty interesting watching the looks on people's faces as we marched, wondering why a throng of sex workers would be having a protest in the middle of December. One guy standing at a streetcorner muttered "yeah right, just give me a blowjob" to his snickering friend. Still, it was a peaceful stroll and once at the DOJ, people from the crowd were able to take the mic and speak about their own personal stories of violence on the job or friends of theirs who had become victims of violence while working in the sex industry. The most bizarre of these confessions was from a client who announced that "he's been going to sex workers for about fifteen years...I've never abused anyone or raised my hand to a woman." He then rambled on about one lady he saw "whose assive was massive", but gave him "the greatest orgasm I've ever had." Look, it's nice to know that clients support our cause, but perhaps they should keep their mouths shut. Or at least know when to stop talking!

Next everyone laid on the ground for a "die-in" while Lia from Starlight Ministries read the names of all the sex workers all over the world who had been killed this year. A police officer approached Robyn at one point asking if "she would like to be arrested", but later recanted and said he really didn't feel like arresting her after all. So everything went pretty smoothly and I think it was a positive experience for everyone involved. I've posted some still photos up here and am working on getting a video up that includes excerpts from a lot of the speeches that were given (there is a shorter on at BoundNotGagged up now).

Of course there was also lots of partying and shenanigans that you can expect from a group of sex workers getting together in one city...Robyn smoking a joint in front of the FBI building, drunken debauchery, and getting lost numerous times on the streets on DC. I even did some sightseeing the next day, hitting the White House, National Monument, and a few of the Smithsonian museums. I love, love, love DC! The architecture is amazing, the nightlife is fun, but I wish the damn Metro trains went out to the airport. My return flight on Thursday got cancelled because of snow in Chicago, so I stayed an extra night and partied some more. I could have stayed another week. Love it, gotta go back soon.

So yes, the March was a success and I was so happy to finally socialize with some of the people that I missed this summer in the craziness of Desiree. If we make this a yearly thing, hell maybe someday we could have a "million whore march"!

Two Words I Don't Have to Hear

2008-12-13T22:20:00.000-08:00

With the economy in the shitter and getting worse everyday, it's hard NOT to know somebody who hasn't been affected by the depression that's hit our country. My best friend lost his job several months back and continues to collect unemployment while his job searches yield no results. Earlier this week, the man I was dating informed me that he's losing his job at the end of the year, leaving him unemployed for the first time in his working life. While all his moaning about company layoffs in other industries in the weeks prior had begun to grate on my nerves more than a little bit, I felt a bit of schadenfreude when he actually got the pink slip himself. Perhaps he can now go commiserate with all the poor people he'd been whining about.

Nevertheless, it got me thinking about what one of the things I really love about being a sex worker, or at least an independent one at that. I never have to hear the words "you're fired." Sure , there's been lots of talk about the sex industry being "recession-proof" and while that's debatable depending on whom you talk to and what they do, our business certainly never collapses completely. While business may slow down at times, it's still there, and being my own boss means I reap 100% of my profits. I learned a long time ago to live very frugally, especially when times are tough, but I managed to live through the post-9/11 meltdown and I can live through this. While I've never been a high volume provider, surprisingly, I haven't seen a huge drop-off of business. I provide an ultimate stress-relief for men and in tough times like these, men are willing to spend a little extra to get just that.

I guess what makes me smile inside a little bit here is that all these people who put down sex workers on a daily basis, say what we do is wrong, call us names, and commit acts of violence against us are now going down. Some of them may even be thinking sex work is a viable option for them. Meanwhile, us independent whores keep chugging along, in control of our own lives, not living in fear of being given the boot by some meaningless job we couldn't stand anyway. Yes I realize that most of us will never have the luxury of getting unemployment benefits, but that's what great about being a sex worker and working for yourself. You're never really unemployed.

So yeah, while we may not be getting laid as often as we like, at least we're not getting laid off.

The Return of Porn Review Friday! Pirates II- Stagnetti's Revenge

2008-12-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

It is perhaps the most anticipate porn sequel in the history of porn, Pirates II- Stagnetti's Revenge, came out this fall to a fanfare of publicity. It's the follow-up to the most successful porn DVD in history, Pirates, released in 2005 by Digital Playground. For those of you not in the know, Pirates, was the "Titanic" of all porn films, a huge-budget, special-effects laden full length release that raked in huge money and showed people that porn DVD's were not yet a dead format. The film had an actual story-line, elaborate costumes, makeup, and sets, and featured some of the tops stars in porn including Jesse Jane, Janine, and Evan Stone. The film ended up raking in 11 trophies at the next year's AVN Awards show, the most any other film had won in the show's history. It also became the first porn film to be re-edited and released in a R-rated version available in Blockbuster stores nationwide. In other words...it was a big deal.

Stagnetti's Revenge begins where the last Pirates left off, with Captain Edward Reynolds (Evan Stone) bragging about his defeat over Victor Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn) to his loyal assistant. He's assembled a new crew of ladies on his ship, including Ai Chow (Shay Jordan) and Olivia, Serena's (Janine) cousin, played by Belladonna. Returning is his first mate Jules (Jesse Jane) and the always entertaining Marco (Steven St, Croix). Olivia informs the crew that the governor of Jamaica has issued a warrant for Serena's arrest and Olivia is on board to protect the crew from any hostile forces and to convince Edward and Jules to ask for Serena's pardon.

When the crew finally does get to Jamaica and ask Governor William Henry Littleton to pardon Serena, he seems more enamored with Jules and he low-cut top than with Edward's pleas. They convince the governor that Serena is pardon-worthy as she helped kill the evil pirate Victor Stagnetti, but he send them on a mission to kill a new set of pirates, find a treasure, and only then will he issue a pardon to Serena.

In the meantime, there's plenty of highjinks going on behind the scenes, with Ai getting a double dose of two of the ship's crew members (James Deen and Mick Blue) while a character named Devil Dick Willie goes looking for gold, but finds something much better instead in the form of the Governor's two daughters, played by Shawna Lenee and Riley Steele (in her first scene ever).

Olivia and Jules get off to a rocky start to their friendship, but eventually Olivia takes Jules to task in a smokin' girl-girl scene, that rivals Janine and Jesse Jane's scene from the first Pirates. Whereas most girl/girl scenes can be boring and drag on, this is rough-and-tumble, with lots of hot chemistry between Belladonna and Jesse. At one point, Bella's Olivia asks, "am I better fuck than Serena?" and most people would agree that she is. It's Belladonna, after all.

Later, Edward comes across the Argentinean gold king during a female slave auction and is invited to participate in an orgy featuring Belly Dancers and slave girls, all providing a soundtrack of high-pitched fakey girl groans and "oh yeahs". Girls doing girls, boys doing girls, and even some masturbation occur during this confusing, but very active scene. Hot, it's not, but it seems almost mandatory in a production of this size. Snore...

Meanwhile, Jules is captured by the Chinese pirate princess Xifeng (Katsuni) and given some sort of poison that causes her to come on to Edward, allowing him to be captured by the Chinese pirate princess as well. In a bizarre sequence, Edward is forced to fight some sort of dragon creature in a pit, but is saved at last minute by Olivia, who kills the creature off, saving him.

Victor Stagnetti, who was killed off in the first Pirates, then is reborn from the sea, where he and Xifeng force Jules into sexual servitude, and she happily obliges by devouring his cock while he fingers her ass. Olivia then intervenes and fights Xifeng in a sword fight and takes her down, but it's not over! She must fight the poisoned Jules as well, until Stagnetti intervenes and takes both of them down. Once again, Edward comes to the rescue and succeeds, reclaiming his title of "the greatest pirate hunter that ever lived."

Lovely. But wasn't that almost the same plot as the first Pirates? Give or take a few changes, there's not much new territory here. Skeleton sword fights, ghost ships, and another victory for Captain Edward Reynolds seems very similar to the first release, but hey, I'm not supposed to complain about the plot, am I? While I enjoyed the fact that the sex scenes are short and to the point, instead of long and boring, once again Jesse Jane dominates most of the sex scenes here. The costumes, makeup, and special effects are once again top-notch, but I had a strange feeling I'd seen it all before, and sure enough, will see it again. Stagnetti goes mysteriously missing at the end, leading up to yet another Pirates sequel, which is already in the works.

If you are a fan of the first Pirates, you'll surely like Stagnetti's Revenge, but don't expect much new territory here. It's still a nice set, with three extra discs, including extended sex scenes, a detailed behind-the-scenes documentary, and tons of interviews with the performers. If you're looking for the hottest thing in porn right now, this is it.

You can get Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge here.

Vices: Head to Head

2008-12-01T18:54:00.000-08:00

What's worse? Drinking, gambling, smoking, overeating, or using the services of prostitutes...

Had to give a shout-out to this article by Naughty Reviews.

Firing Clients

2008-11-22T23:35:00.001-08:00

Oftentimes providers will have to "fire" a client that they may have been seeing on a regular basis and though the reasons may vary, it's usually not because the client was violent or otherwise dangerous. If you practice good screening techniques, you are usually able to weed out such clients before even seeing them or at the door. In all my time in the industry, I've never come across a physically threatening client or had my life in danger. Still, that's not to say these types of clients don't exist. Perhaps I'm just adept at figuring out who might be a problem and who won't be, but that's a skill that I've fine tuned over the years.

Rather, the clients that need to be fired usually start as an absolute dream. They are friendly, fun to hang out with, good regulars, and enjoy my company, but therein lies the problem. They want me to be their girlfriend. And I will never be that. It's great to have regulars, but when the regulars don't "get it", meaning the nature of our relationship, then things become a problem. I call my clients just that, clients, because that's what they are, not johns, boyfriends, dates, or tricks. We have a professional relationship with each other and being the pro that I am, I don't cross boundaries that I shouldn't be. I don't call their homes, show up at their door uninvited or expect anything more from them than what is agreed upon (meaning$$$). I expect them to reciprocate this behavior towards me.

I've always had a problem with working girls who end of dating or marrying their clients. It's so, so, so problematic for me and just gives other men who use the services of providers some hope that they have a chance with whatever provider they happen to develop a fancy for. In addition, it takes money out of their pockets and gives "Captain Save-a-Ho" the satisfaction of knowing he rescued just one girl from her oh-so-degrading life in the sex trade. Please. I didn't enter this business as a means to find a boyfriend or husband and I should hope that guys don't use my services as a means to either. It is, after all, an escort service, not a dating service.

Obviously it's no secret that a lot of lonely guys use the services of sex workers. One of my best regulars was a client named "Joe" that had first called me on a blizzard-like winter evening for a session. I tried to drive to his place, but the snow was coming down in heaps and the expressways were jammed with traffic trying to inch along at 5mph. I only made it halfway there and stopped at my boyfriend's house instead, terrified of getting in an accident. I cancelled the call, not expecting him to call back, but he did about a week later and I was able to see him. He was a really nice guy, intelligent, a schoolteacher, and enjoyed hanging out, talking, and drinking good beers. We hit it off really well the first time we saw each other.

He because a good regular of mine, usually calling at least once a month, sometimes more, to see me. I was generous with my time...probably too generous, and after awhile he began asking me out on dates for dinner, to the theatre, to bars, etc. I politely came up with excuses not to go. Whereas many escorts will accompany their clients on dinner dates or out of town, I almost never do this because it tends to lead the guys on and I rarely get compensated enough for it. Clearly Joe wasn't looking to compensate me for the dates he was asking me on; he was hoping our "relationship" would morph into something else. That wasn't going to happen.

You hear the term "girlfriend experience" or GFE thrown around a lot in this industry, and I've found it means different things to different people. When I ask someone to explain what a GFE is, I usually hear that it involves deep kissing, intense touching, and bareback oral. To me, the girlfriend experience I provided was a little different. I engaged these guys in conversation, hung out, and basically acted like a girlfriend would. While most of my clients appreciated the nature of the service I provided, others like Joe misconstrued it as me actually wanting to be their girlfriend, which I never led on to be the case.

I saw Joe off an on for a few years, but things started to get uncomfortable for me after awhile. He'd want me to come over and just watch movies or ask me to stay overnight, and worse yet, he'd ask me "if he owed me anything" when the time came to pay up. As nice a guy that he was, I started to feel bad a guy like him was holding out for the day that I actually said "no, you don't owe me anything" because it wasn't going to happen. He was a good looking single guy, he needed to learn to ask women out on dates and formulate relationships with them and this wasn't helping. So I decided to fire him. Problem was, I never said "you're fired."

I stopped answering Joe's phone calls well over a year ago. He calls sometimes late at night and never, ever, leaves a message. He just calls back, over and over. I figured he was smart enough to take a hint...he is a high school teacher after all. Joe still calls me, sometimes several times a week, sometimes not for a month, but he never blocks his number, just hoping I'll make a mistake and answer it on a whim. I never do. Essentially he is phone stalking me and this makes me happy I have never done incalls.

I had the same situation happen with a client I saw only a handful of times, but then continued to phone stalk me for years after I fired him. He'd call late at night from blocked or different numbers, leaving cryptic text messages or none at all. Finally he stopped, but every once in awhile, pops up to call again.

There's a few other people I've had to fire over the years and it's usually the same case...crossing boundaries. Sometimes these guys don't get that the friendly demeanor I and other escorts display is not because we like you...it's because we're doing our job.

So yes, it's sad to let a good regular go, but sometimes it's necessary. I would've hoped that Joe and guys like him would move on and try to form new relationships with women outside of the biz, but sometimes they have to learn their lessons the hard way. While I'm not anxiously awaiting Joe's next late night drunk dial attempt to reach me, I just know it's coming.

Washington DC...here come the whores!

2008-11-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

In about a month from today, I'll be joining many of my fellow activists in Washington DC for the first "National March For Sex Workers Rights" on December 17. I'm so excited! I've actually never been to DC before and I'm thrilled to see a lot of the people I met this summer at Desiree again, including Robyn Few, Scarlot Harlot, and Ren.

Here's some background on December 17-

December 17th is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. This event was created to call attention to hate crimes committed against sex workers all over the globe. Originally thought of by Dr. Annie Sprinkle and started by the Sex Workers Outreach Project USA as a memorial and vigil for the victims of the Green River Killer in Seattle Washington. International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers has empowered workers from over cities around the world to come together and organize against discrimination and remember victims of violence. During the week of December 17th, sex worker rights organizations will be staging actions and vigils to raise awareness about violence that is commonly committed against sex workers. The assault, battery, rape and murder of sex workers must end. Existing laws prevent sex workers from reporting violence. The stigma and discrimination that is perpetuated by the prohibitionist laws has made violence against us acceptable. Please join with sex workers around the world and stand against criminalization and violence committed against prostitutes.

Last year we did a protest/march in Chicago on a cold and snowy December 17. Here's my video from that day.

So please join us or spread the word about this historic event! We will be having a party after the event as well...of course!

National March for Sex Workers Rights
Dec. 17, 2008
Meet at Franklin Square (14st NW & Eye ST NW) near McPherson Square Station for rally and speeches.
March Gathers at noon.
March ends at The White House (1600 Pennsylvania AVE) about 3 blocks away.

Join the Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP-USA) as we march on Washington to demand rights for all sex workers! On Wednesday, December 17, 2008, advocates from across the nation will converge to mark the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. Together, we will take a stand for justice, dignity, and the freedom to do sex work safely and in dignity. We are calling for an end to the unjust laws, policing, shaming and stigma that oppress our communities and make us targets for violence. At this vibrant event, we will both honor the lives lost in 2008 and celebrate our vital movement. Some housing is available for out-of-towners - consider staying on to attend our big party that weekend. On Dec. 17th, SWOP-USA and its allies in harm reduction and social justice welcome your support as we march for sex workers rights!

This is a permitted event. For more information, or to endorse this event, contact:
877-776-2004 x 1
dec17@swopusa.org
www.swopusa.org/dec17/

Sex Workers Do Harm Reduction

2008-11-16T20:55:00.000-08:00

Check out this awesome video made by fellow activist PJ Starr shot at the International Harm Reduction Conference held in Barcelona this May. Look for my friends Kitten and Kimberlee in there...

Sex workers do harm reduction: II from PJ Starr on Vimeo.